Dr. Barnaby Barratt, President of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, recommends verbally letting your partner know exactly what you want. ?One of the pitfalls of nonverbal communication is ambiguity,? he states. ?Making desires verbal is helpful. If we have to ask ?Is it ok to hold hands?,? it automatically makes us own our actions.? Owning your actions and desires, not only shows your partner how to be a more fulfilling lover, it also causes you to feel erotically empowered and there?s nothing sexier than that.

Warming Up Don?t: Keep It Clinical
While sexual communication should be frequent and direct, Kristin, 24, warns that nothing kills the lovemakin? mood faster than using clinical language. ?Scientific discussion should never take place in the bedroom,? she says. ?No ?vaginas? or ?penis? talk. You can be subtle and sexy and still communicate your desires.? To keep things in spicy mode, ditch words you?d use with your gyno and stick with phrases that accompany action, such as "I love it when you touch me here" or "This feels really nice."

In the Moment Do: Show and Tell
The fastest way to let him know what you want?what you really want?is simply to show your partner what you like, says Dr. Alice Ladas, co-author of The G Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. "The way people experience pleasure is very varied," she comments. "Some women learn to bring themselves to climax by rubbing their legs together. Others do it by rubbing a pillow against the clitoris? it?s important for the man to know that his partner needs her legs somewhat close together or needs a combined stimulation of the clitoris and vagina." Sexy and assertive at the same time, giving your partner a free pass to Your Body 101 guarantees fewer bedroom fumbles.

In the Moment Don?t: Let Problems Go Unacknowledged
"In the early part of our relationship, we communicated about sex all the time," says Celeste, 27. "We'd give hints and looks and plenty of direct discussion like, 'I found it mildly embarrassing when I flooded your bed.' Let's face it, no matter how much you want each other or how attractive your partner may be, sex isn't always smooth, but that doesn?t mean you can't be. Addressing problems immediately in a relaxed manner and mutually coming up with solutions that satisfy both partners not only makes sex more fun, it also strengthens the relationship and gives your partner a better understanding of how your erotic buttons work.

After-the-Do Do: Break It Down
The last thing most people want to hear after a heated night of passion is a play-by-play analysis of who did what, but Dr. Barratt says that having a State of the Sexual Union conversation periodically during a relationship can be helpful and hot. "We have the fantasy that in a good relationship, the honeymoon is going to continue forever but the fact of the matter is that people grow and change at different speeds," says Barratt. "These things need to be reviewed periodically."

After-the-Do Don?t: Judge
One thing Dr. Ladas says to remember during the post-sex wrap-up is to never make judgments about your partner or blame them for less-than-idyllic sex. Once couples start playing the blame game, sexual communication goes the way of the dinosaur and couples are left with frustration and resentment. ?It's easy for a man or woman to be hurt unless the communication about what is needed is done in a very gentle and very non-demanding way," Ladas says. "It's very important how the communication is made." Talk honestly, frequently and gently, and you?ll build a lasting connection that's worth talking about.